me after finals:
"What do you plan to do with your future?"
Yes mother I have slept for thirteen hours straight but Jesus slept for three days straight and started a religion so I don’t wanna hear it
breakfast for dinner is fun when you’re a kid but when you’re an adult it’s just like “yo i ate lunch at 5 PM today and linear time is functionally meaningless”
have you ever known somebody so shitty they completely ruin that first name for you?
relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead
“youre always on your computer” well ur always on my nerves